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Mangling Memphis
“If he plays at Barcelona like he did at Euro 2020, Messi will touch him on the shoulder and ask: ‘Hey, have you been playing football for long?’” Dutch pundit Johan Derksen, just a touch unimpressed by poor old Memphis Depay’s tournament.
Sweetest Exchange
Dr Jens Kleinefeld: “Well, are you back with us?” Christian Eriksen: “Yes, I am back with you. For **** sake, I’m only 29-years-old.”
Generation Gap
“I am aware of him. Is he an old player working in the studio?” - Sweden’s 21-year-old Alexander Isak on being told that Gary Lineker had sung his praises.
Punditry Pearl
“England will have to get better if they are going to improve.” - Steve McManaman giving Gareth Southgate some invaluable advice on ESPN.
Don’t Mention The ……
Commentator Steve Banyard: “Benjamin Pavard, who was in the wars against Germany…….”. - Hong Kong-based Irishman Roy Allen: “He must be very old.”
Turkish (Non) Delight
“We didn’t even deserve zero points. We witnessed a managerial disaster class.” Journalist Mehmet Demirkol on Turkey’s less than successful Euro 2020 campaign.
Quote of the tournament
“Put our history aside, Cromwell, the Black and Tans and all that - this is an England team that’s likeable.” - Liam Brady urging us to let bygones be bygones and get behind our oppressors - sorry, neighbours.
Number of the tournament
140 - That’s how many goals were scored at Euro 2020, a record for the competition - and that was even before the final. Decent.
Armchair Experts
“The country is really up for the tournament. It’s nice to have 82 million Germany head coaches again, rather than 82 million virologists.” - Germany’s Leon Goretzka chuffed that his people went back to being authorities on football rather than Covid.



Mats Hummels scored an own goal during Germany’s defeat to France. Photograph: Matthias Hangst/Getty


Wrong End
“I was told he was cheering. Fortunately he doesn’t know what an own goal is. He thinks, ‘the ball in the net is always good’. I’ll probably have to teach him about it.” - Mats Hummels on his three-year-old son celebrating him scoring the winner in the game between Germany and France - for France.
Wrong turn
Wrong Turn: “We have to learn more about Europe.” - One of the six French fans who flew to Bucharest to attend the group game between France and Portugal - which took place in Budapest.
Bitter Orange
“Eliminated in the last 16, just like the hobby kickers from Wales. That is the state of the current Orange: Just as bad as Wales. And that’s not even a real country.” - Dutch writer Peter Wekking on the Netherlands’ early exit - and very rudely dragging the Welsh in to it.
Bored Stiff
“Any jokes, George?” - Stuart Byrne asking the Hamilton man to entertain him during the last uneventful 20 minutes of England v Ukraine.
Lost in Translation
“Die Engländer” - Germany’s official Twitter account announcing the England team for their knock-out game, at which point several respondents berated them for wishing death on Gareth’s lads.
There Are No Words
“Amazing that every member of the Italian team sang its National Anthem whereas every single member of the Spanish team remained totally silent. Not one sang the Spanish Anthem!” - Ulster Unionist John Taylor, aka Lord John Kilclooney, unaware that the Spanish remained silent for a reason - their anthem is wordless.